


Queen of Catfishing

by nachaelsquared



Category: Catfish: The TV Show, Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Catfish - Freeform, Early Queen (Band), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Online Relationship, Secrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:02:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23052919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nachaelsquared/pseuds/nachaelsquared
Summary: Roger finds himself in the modern day era talking to someone who he thinks is named Brian online - but his best friend John is not convinced Brian is who he says he is. The truth will come out when John calls Nev and Kamie from Catfish to get to the bottom of things.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 28





	1. Submission Reel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rac06h10ael](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rac06h10ael/gifts).



> So...this is probably the dumbest thing I've ever wrote but my sister and I thought it would be hilarious (so I hope I do our idea justice). 
> 
> It's obviously a modern setting but the boys aren't actually in a band yet, and they're supposed to be themselves in the 1970's because I'm a softie for younger Queen.
> 
> I don't expect anyone to read this but if you do, let me know how you feel about it!

"Ready for another groundbreaking episode?"

"How can you even be that energetic this early?" Kamie asked back, plopping down in the chair next to Nev and smiling at his steadfast bubiliness. 

"I have two kids, I'm no stranger to being up when I don't want to be," Nev laughed in response, stretching out his arms towards the long table in front of them before cracking open the laptop. 

"Fair enough," Kamie sighed while picking up her trusty handheld camera to capture all the action destined to ensue. "So who do we have today?"

"There's an email here that's subject line reads 'My Friend Is A Proper Idiot'."

"Straight to the point," Kamie laughed, resting her elbow on the table and propping her head up in the palm of her hand. 

"It says:  _ Hey guys, my name is John Richard Deacon and I was born August the nineteenth in Leicester, England...and my current London flatmate, Roger, is definitely being catfished. He won't believe anything I say so I figured you were my last resort. I know you don't usually go overseas to the U.K. but I think you might be able to get through to him more than I can. Please ring me up if you're up for the challenge." _

"Up for the challenge," Kamie repeated, quirking her eyebrow at the mysterious ending. 

"I haven't been to England in a while so let's give him a call," Nev smiled, pulling his phone from his pocket. 

"Are we gonna gloss over the fact that he said his birthday and full name like that?" Kamie asked, looking between her cohost and the crew stationed behind the cameras. 

"Maybe it's a British thing!" Nev tried to defend, his sincerity severely undermined by his poorly concealed giggle. 

"It is totally not."

"Shh, it's ringing."

The familiar Skype ringtone filled the room, an exciting anticipation similar to each time they were set to see a new face desperate for their help. The cohosts enthusiastically greeted the briefly grainy picture, Kamie making sure to point the camera at the screen. A timid face came into focus, waving back at them before tucking a long piece of wavy brown hair behind his ear. 

"Nice to see you, John!" Nev grinned, clasping his hands together and leaning his weight against the desk.

"Likewise, likewise," John's muffled voice answered over the less than ideal laptop speakers. 

“So tell us a little about yourself and what’s been going on with your friend.”

“Well, I moved to London about a year ago to start at university and ended up meeting Roger just at a pub one night nearby. We talked about both being broke students and he wanted to move away from his past flatmates so I drunkenly suggested he live with me.”

“John, John, John,” Kamie scolded, the smile tugging at her lips showing she wasn’t being that serious about admonishing his behavior. 

“I know, I don’t always make the best decisions,” John laughed in return, shifting in his to briefly reveal more of the small living room set behind him. “But we quickly became best mates and the rest is history until he met this guy on Grindr who is one-thousand percent not who he says he is.”

“What makes you think so?” Nev asked, already anticipating the answer.

“It’s like all of the textbook signs; they never video chat, he won’t send any pictures and this other guy apparently also lives in London but won’t meet up.”

“Has he ever seen the show?” Kamie laughed, throwing her hands up in a bewildered gesture.

“Yes! But he refuses to believe it’s not him and-”

A loud creaking and abrupt closing of a door cut the young brunette off, all three of the video call participants getting distracted by the noise. 

“Hey Deaky, who ya talking to?” A distant voice asked, making Nev and Kamie turn to each other with curious looks. 

“Just come here, Rog,” John wickedly smiled, frantically waving the other person over. 

A similarly young looking blonde entered the frame, immediately covering his mouth in shock and audibly gasping. “This cannot be happening! You actually called them?” He yelled, playfully using his free hand to shove John’s shoulder as the brunette laughed at his friend’s reaction. 

“You must be Roger,” Nev laughed along with John. 

“Yes,” Roger sighed, pulling up another chair to sit in front of the computer as John scooted over to make room. “This is absolutely embarrassing.”

“Well John did say he’s tried to warn you before,” Kamie interjected, holding her finger up matter-of-factly. 

“He has, but I didn’t think he’d  _ literally _ call Catfish on me.”

“John was just about to tell us about this guy you’ve been talking to if you’d like to fill us in instead,” Nev spoke, cracking a smile at the blonde’s eye roll.

“Well his name is Brian and I met him on Grindr a few months ago but we mostly just text now. He’s really sweet and bold, and I’ve tried to meet him several times but he always skips out at the last minute.”

“Have you ever talked on the phone?” Kamie asked, tilting her head.

“I’ve asked to call him but he says he’s too nervous for that or video chatting.”

Nev pursed his lips at the explanation, clearly not buying the excuse and having done the show too long to think “Brian” was being honest.

“Thank you,” John sighed, gesturing to Nev’s skeptical expression. “And he’s only ever seen, like two pictures of him.” The blonde seemed shameful of his friend’s details about the situation, blushing and shoving John again at the statements. 

“Is this a serious thing to you?” Kamie genuinely asked, already feeling some sort of sympathy for Roger. “Like have you been talking to only him?”

“Y-yeah,” Roger stuttered, obviously getting more embarrassed by the second. 

“Which is ridiculous,” John added, glancing over at his friend, “because there’s hundreds of other girls and blokes that would die for a chance with him.”

“They would not!” Roger defended, nervously shifting his gaze away from the brunette. Nev and Kamie laughed in unison at John shaking his head in disagreement, gaining a fondness for the two friends despite the short time they’d spent talking. 

“So Roger,” Nev spoke, moving the conversation forward to save the blonde from any more blatant embarrassment brought on by his roommate, “would you be interested in us coming there and getting to the bottom of all of this?”

“Sure, I’d love to prove John wrong,” Roger smiled, poking his friend in the side. 

“Perfect, we’ll see you soon.”

“Nice meeting you both!” Kamie added before ending the call and turning to Nev with a wide grin. “There’s no way this Brian guy can be who he says, he’s definitely hiding something.”

“I agree, but there’s always that sliver of hope that it  _ is _ him.”

“At least Roger has John looking out for him,” Kamie joked, thinking about the way the two men interacted as if they’d known each other forever. 

“I think they’re friendship goals,” Nev added sincerely, making Kamie scoff at his terrible use of modern slang.

“You did  _ not _ just say ‘friendship goals’.”

“I did, now let’s go to London!” Nev yelled, quickly changing the subject and eagerly standing from his chair.

“This will be an interesting show…”


	2. First Meet-Up

“Think we’ll see the Queen?”

Kamie laughed at Nev’s mocking question, slipping her sunglasses on as they walked side-by-side out of the crowded airport. “Maybe she can help us figure this out.”

Nev smiled as they climbed into the car, settling into the driver’s seat on the right side of the car - an awkward adjustment from mostly driving American cars. Their ever present light-hearted chatter continuing as they made their way along the rainy roads of London. 

“Oh my gosh, this place is so cute!” Kamie gasped as they rolled to a stop, peeking out of the window at the elegant and old-fashioned rows of connected houses lining the street. Thankfully, the rain had slowed down to less than even a sprinkle - just a few drops here and there, aided by the droplets randomly falling from tree leaves set off by the gentle wind - and the crew stretched their cramped legs after hours of being shoved into tight places as they got out of the vehicles. 

“It is quite charming,” Nev responded in an unconvincing British accent, making everyone around him laugh at the intentionally poor attempt. 

The cohosts hardly had time to find the right door before a familiar voice called their names, making them turn towards the enthusiastic sound. They both grinned back at the waving young man standing on the porch step, walking the short distance to greet him. 

“John! Nice to meet you!” Nev exclaimed, sticking his hand out for a cordial handshake. As they climbed up the steps and reached the door that had been left ajar, Kamie pulled the brunette into a quick hug and playfully winked when he seemed caught off guard at the action. 

“Come in, come in,” John greeted, directing the troop of Americans into his apartment - letting them go in first and waiting on the porch. As the last of them filed in, John followed and shut the door behind him before joining them in the small but adequate living room. “Have a seat anywhere you’d like, sorry for the lack of space.”

“I think it’s homey,” Kamie sighed, sitting on the worn-out couch next to Nev as the crew started working on getting their entire set-up put together. She looked around at the comforting surroundings; the faded vinyl records decorating the walls along with a few pictures of what appeared to be the two friends joined by their family members and other acquaintances, a few spare drums and various guitars occupying one corner of the room, and an extensive tool kit sitting next to the apparently faulty television.

“Thank you,” John responded as he ducked his head down, clearly a little shy and embarrassed at the compliment. “I-I’ll go get Roger.”

Nev crossed one leg over the other as the brunette scurried out of the room, hoping the young man wouldn’t be too nervous to give any helpful information he had on his friend’s situation. He hardly had time to pull his phone out before another pair of footsteps entered the room, immediately widening his eyes at the sight in front of him. 

“Oh my god,” Roger’s quiet voice gasped, turning red and covering his crotch with his hands in sheer embarrassment as all eyes in the room settled on his mostly exposed body - save for a tight pair of underwear rescuing at least a fraction of his dignity. 

“Roger!” John’s voice called from somewhere in the hallway behind him, pulling his friend’s wrist and making the blonde disappear as quickly as he had shown up. The brief situation sent the crew into another bout of laughter; Kamie covering her face with a pillow to conceal her giggle as Nev clutched his chest with much less regard for keeping quiet. The pair of friend’s muffled bickering only encouraged the hysteria, the crew members struggling to finish their jobs in a timely manner.

The laughter died down after a few moments, John shaking his head as he reentered the room to sit in the armchair adjacent to the occupied couch. The cohosts engaged in more small talk with the brunette as they waited for Roger - learning more about their unlikely friendship and how their love for music kept them together through some nasty arguments. Everything was set up by the time Roger tiptoed into the living room, his cheeks still painted a faint, rosy hue even though he was appropriately dressed this time.

“Guess I don’t need much of an introduction,” He sighed as he walked toward Nev and Kamie to give them polite handshakes before relaxing onto the arm of John’s seat due to the lack of seating. 

“At least the cameras weren’t rolling,” Kamie replied with a smile, turning on the small one in her hand as the crew behind the camera stifled anymore continued laughs. 

“So, Roger,” Nev said with a clear of his throat to get the show started, “why don’t you just give us a quick rundown of this whole case with Brian.”

“Well it wouldn’t be a case if  _ someone _ wasn’t overreacting,” Roger laughed, nudging John’s leg with his foot that wasn’t dangling over the furniture. “But I talk to people all the time and Brian just struck something in me that I can’t explain. I just feel like I can trust him and he’s always there for me, we talk almost every day...just not over the phone.”

“Can we see some of the texts?” Nev curiously asked, raising his eyebrows at the blonde. 

“Sure, sure,” Roger responded, pulling his phone from his back pocket and passing it to Nev after opening up the messages. 

“Is there anything we don’t wanna see in here?” Kamie asked, scooting closer to Nev to get a better view of the glowing screen. 

“Uh...maybe,” Roger quietly answered, the blush reappearing on his cheeks as he rubbed at the back of his neck. “No pictures, though, I promise!”

Nev smiled at the reassurance as he began to scroll, not really paying attention to the content of the messages but instead focusing on the considerable amount of them. He quirked an eyebrow when his finger slowed down, confused by the words presented in front of him.

“You’re in love with your car?”

John groaned as the words left Nev’s mouth, tipping his head back as he shut his eyes in secondhand embarrassment. 

“B-Brian doesn’t know much about cars! He likes when I talk to him about them,” Roger tried to defend, angrily poking John’s shoulder in disapproval of his dramatic reaction. “Anyways that’s not the main focus here!” 

“So when you’re not talking dirty about cars to him,” Kamie started with an impressive amount of self-control in not cracking a smile, “what makes Brian so special to you?”

“He also really has a passion for music like John and me,” Roger timidly replied, shamefully taking his phone back from Nev and slipping it into his pocket. “And I feel like he can understand my struggles...John’s my only really close friend nowadays and I hate dumping all of my problems onto him all the time.”

Kamie pursed her lips at the explanation, their seemingly perfect friendship tugging at her heart and making her slightly nod her head in understanding. “Why haven’t you pushed him to meet up?”

“I have a few times but he always comes up with an excuse but I don’t want to push him too far and then completely away, you know?”

“So do you think there’s any reasonable suspicion that he’s not who he says he is? Like maybe it’s somebody you know trying to get back at you for some reason?” Nev asked, thinking about all the common signs most people seemed to ignore in favor of putting faith in strangers over the internet.

“I guess it all seems a little shady he won’t FaceTime or meet up but I don’t know why he’d have a reason to lie to me. And I hope I haven’t done anything that severely wrong to someone in my life that they’d go after me like this,” Roger smiled, quietly laughing when John gave him a disbelieving look. 

“Alright well you can send us any information you have on Brian and we’ll get to searching,” Nev breathed, flashing a hopeful smile between the two friends. 

They continued to chat after filming had wrapped up, the four of them enjoying each other’s company even if the main purpose was for the show. Nev and Kamie had started getting ready to leave as the crew finished packing up, and Kamie could see the young Brits now settled on the couch Nev and her had previously been sitting on. They were talking quietly to themselves, still loud enough to hear if you were paying attention, and Kamie knew it was wrong to eavesdrop but couldn’t help but to tune in to the conversation. 

“You know I just want what’s best for you, Rog.”

“I know, I know...don’t be so sappy, though, they might catch it on camera and put it on the telly for the whole world to see.”

“And what’s wrong with being sappy? Maybe the world wants to see that I have a heart.”

Kamie smiled to herself at their whispered exchange, giving them one final wave before stepping out into the mild London fog - determined to find out the truth for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry these chapter are kind of short, but I'm trying to follow the format of the show lol


	3. Initial Research

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sorry this is kinda short and took me forever to post, but I'm back at it! Hope you enjoy :)

“Time for my favorite part...investigating!”

“Do you really think Brian’s who he says he is?” Kamie sighed, settling in the chair next to Nev and turning on her camera. She looked around at the small cafe as she waited for an answer, smiling to herself at the cozy setting that reminded her of Roger and John’s small flat they had visited the previous day. 

“We can never know, but it is shady that he never wants to meet up,” Nev responded, squinting against the bright glow of his laptop and pulling up his email. “So here’s all the information Roger sent me, which doesn’t seem to be much.”

“Not a good sign,” Kamie muttered under her breath, raising her eyebrows as they scanned the short list consisting of just some basic details and a single phone number. “Didn’t he say they met on Grindr?”

“Yeah, I thought he said that...oh, here in his email it says the profile is no longer up.”

“Major red flag, Roger! This boy needs some more common sense,” Kamie laughed, wishing the blonde was there so she could make him realise the absurdity of the situation. “And he said he doesn’t have any other social media?”

“Nope, but we have his full name so we can look him up,” Nev sighed, skeptical of someone around their age range having no profiles anywhere except a dating site. Both pairs of eyes were trained on the screen as they checked all the major platforms, typing  _ Brian May _ into each searchbar and getting more discouraged each time no results came up. “No Facebook, no Instagram, no Twitter...does this man even exist?”

“Maybe he doesn’t...Brian could be completely made up by whoever’s on the other side of the screen,” Kamie answered, thinking about how else they could get to the bottom of this problem. 

“It’s a possibility, but somebody’s name has to be attached to the pictures.” 

“We could try to reverse image search the two picture Roger sent us, but I doubt they’ll lead us anywhere at this rate.”

Nev agreed with the idea, dragging the file into the other open tab and disheartedly grinning when the result came back as he had expected - absolutely nothing. “Well our only hope left is the phone number.”

“Let’s pray it gets us some sort of result,” Kamie groaned, shifting to sit on the edge of her seat as they tested their last hope of discovering the truth. 

Everyone in the room seemed to hold their press as Nev typed the number in, anticipation and nervousness charging the atmosphere as they wondered if they’d even have an episode to produce if their trail ended here. A collective sigh of relief washed over everybody when Nev’s eyes lit up, sitting up straighter in his chair when their last resort had finally come up with some new information. 

“Okay, okay, it’s not Brian...but the number says it belongs to someone named Tim.”

“Tim?” Kamie repeated, racking her brain for any recollection of that name so far and frowning when she came up with nothing. 

“Let’s try to look him up and see if we get any hits.”

Kamie nodded in compliance, holding her small camera up to the screen and hoping that for everybody’s sake this mysterious new piece to the puzzle would somehow fit. The two cohosts looked at each other with shocked gazes as one result with the exact same name popped up on Facebook, their rollercoaster of emotions continuing to fluctuate as Nev hesitantly clicked on the profile. The page didn’t seem blatantly connected to Brian or Roger, but there was promise in the fact that he seemed to live around the same part of London as the blonde in question and went to college nearby. 

Nev took the initiative to message the young looking man, typing his usual spiel that explained they were making a television show and he was somehow connected. They hardly had time to take a break from filming before Nev’s phone came to life, vibrating against the desk and sending the dispersed crew running back to their positions behind the cameras. He scrambled to pick it up, certain it wouldn’t be anyone else than the man they had just messaged. 

_ “Hello?” _

“Hi, this is Nev and Kamie from Catfish. I assume this is Tim?”

_ “Yeah, yeah, that’s me. What’s up?” _

“Alright Tim, would you happen to know anyone by the name of Roger?”

_ “Hmm...doesn’t ring a bell, but I’ve met a lot of people over the years so it’s possible.” _

“Well we’re trying to find this mysterious guy Roger has been talking to for a few months, and the number he gave us leads back to you.”

_ “I haven’t been talking to a Roger but a few of my mates all share a phone plan under my name, so it could be any of their numbers.” _

“Are any of your friends named Brian?”

“Perhaps Brian May?” Kamie interjected, silently fed up with Nev’s vagueness. 

_ “Oh! I know Brian May...we’ve played a few concerts together. I don’t know him that well, though, and he’s certainly not on my phone plan.” _

“If we read you the number we have, could you tell us whose it is?”

_ “I could try, yeah.” _

Nev rattled off the number listed in the email, staring at the camera with his eyebrows raised as Tim kept them waiting in tense silence as he thought about who the digits could belong to. 

_ “I’m not exactly sure but I think that’s either Freddie or Mike.” _

The cohosts shared a quizzical look, excited at the prospect of their short lead giving them more leeway but staying silent in the hopes that he would say more. Kamie took it upon herself to scribble down the names and think of what to do next, barely listening as Nev thanked the informant before sharing goodbyes and hanging up the phone. 

“At least we’ve got some more information now,” Nev sighed, setting down his phone and reopening his laptop to get back to work. 

“I think we should check Tim’s page and investigate Freddie and Mike, they’re our most obvious suspects at this point,” Kamie added, sliding the note she had taken down towards him. “We could also ask Roger if he recognizes any of these names when we meet up with him again.”

“Smart thinking,” Nev smiled, pulling up his web browser and laughing at the eye roll he received in response that told him his statement was obvious. “Okay, so I can’t find any Mike’s that are friends with Tim on Facebook…”

“What about Freddie?”

“We’ve got a hit! Freddie Bulsara,” Nev exclaimed, quickly clicking on the related profile and immediately furrowing his brows in confusion. 

“Wait a minute, that guy looks familiar,” Kamie added, voicing what Nev was struggling to say as he tried to put the pieces together. “Maybe I saw him in one of the pictures on Roger and John’s wall?”

“No, I saw them too and that doesn’t seem right.”

“Then what is it?”

Another tense silence filled the room, the crew all waiting with bated breath as Nev wracked his brain for some sort of explanation on how he knew that unforgettable face. Everyone looked his way when he suddenly and obnoxiously gasped, all on the edge of their seats from his dramatic antics. 

“I’ve already met Freddie!”


End file.
